Well another week has come and gone here at the CCM.
Crayzee! Another group of Latinos left on Tuesday, and the other
group of North Americans also finished and went out into the field. The past
two days have been just our district of 9 North Americans and a district of 9
Brazilians who also have two weeks left. So there have been only 18
missionaries in the entire MTC. Talk about tranquilo, haha.
This week has honestly been pretty good. Things went by a
little more quickly, and it helps a lot that we are now the
"veterans" of the MTC, as obviously nobody has been here as long as
us.
Spanish: Ok, so obviously I'm still learning Espanol.
Things have started to get a bit crazy technical this week, and we're
straight up learning things I don't even know about in English. Wanna
explain to me the difference between present subjunctive noun clauses, present,
conditional, imperfect, present imperfect subjunctive adverb clauses, etc, on
and on? I am learning more about English by learning more about Spanish
though, so that's good, I guess. #lifeskills But honestly, I have
no idea what I’m doing, even if I understand what something is, learning how to
use it is an entirely different story. No lie, es mas dificil.
(Note from Mom: I found this handy chart which totally explains the fact that Lacey barks a lot. And a dog that doesn't bark doesn't exist.)
| The rule: In Spanish, the subjunctive is used in an adjectival clause when the antecedent is indefinite or unknown or is nonexistent or negated; in contrast, the indicative is used when the antecedent is a definite or existing one. |
Illustration:
verb ladrar(to bark)
subjunctive or the indicativeTengo un perro que ladra mucho. Indicative There is a definite antecedent, a dog which I own. No tengo un perro que ladre mucho. Subjunctive The antecedent is negated; such a dog doesn't exist. Quiero un perro que ladre mucho. Subjunctive There is an indefinite antecedent; such a dog may or not exist.
But mostly I’m trying not to worry about it
that much. I’ve been blessed to be chill
mas o menos about learning Spanish.
Don’t get me wrong, it can be hecka stressful, but I just don’t get as
frustrated as a lot of the other missionaries in my district.
#tooblessedtobestressed. One day it’ll
come. Tengo fe.
Proselyting: This week
proselyting was quite a bit less successful than last week, unfortunately. We talked to a few people but it was overall
just more disheartening than last week.
We talked with this super intense guy for like 20 minutes about how
religion is fantasy and how it’s like taking opium and all this crazy
stuff. And then this other guy talked to
us for like an hour, but he was using the weirdest vocabulary ever and I didn’t
understand 3/4ths of what he was saying.
It’s actually quite comical that 3 girls who don’t speak Spanish are
going out and trying to start religious conversations. Good times.
Sundays: Sundays here are
pretty great. My testimony of the
importance of Sundays being a day of rest has really grown since I’ve been
here. We obviously don’t really “rest” here, on account of we’re busy ALL DAY
LONG, but the whole day (except for one meeting) is in English, so it’s like
straight up mental rest from Spanish.
I’m a big fan of the English language.
Big fan.
Progression: So this last
Sunday, I was feeling kind of depressed and sad for no particular reason. In light of what I just said about liking Sundays,
I was surprised that I wasn’t feeling all that happy. I kind of felt like crying but I didn’t
really want to on account of I just didn’t want to go there emotionally. Anyway, so my companions and I went to our
room during flex time, and Hermana S went to use the bathroom, so it was just
me and Hermana N in the room. I told her
I was feeling kind of sad, and somehow (it was defs directed by the Spirit) we
started having a conversation about our companionship and assessing our
underlying difficulties that we hadn’t really talked about. So she admitted to me that she and Hermana S
had some things that they mutually felt (which I already knew) and I in return
expressed how alone and somewhat emotionally excluded I felt from them never
talking about their feelings and also obviously being more similar to each
other than to me. In the process of
explaining this, I started crying, which was SO GOOD for me, because I legit
haven’t cried since I’ve been here or even really expressed any of my emotional
feelings. Anyway, then Hermana S came
back and I expressed my feelings to her too (while crying still…lolz) and I
think it was really good for them to know how I was feeling. And then Hermana S starting crying because
she misses her little sister, and Hermana N started crying because of how good
an experience she’s had since she’s been here, and it was just such a great
bonding experience. It was one of the best DTR’s I ever had, lolz. But seriously, I felt it finally helped us to
get past the underlying tension that was there and try to move forward. And honestly, things have been much
better since then. I’ve never felt
closer to either of them then I have since we talked on Sunday. It also helps a lot that Hermana S has been
in a better mood this week. And
honestly, they are still VERY different from me, but they’ve been more aware of
my feelings this week, and I’ve continued to learn how to allow people to NOT
talk about their feelings----and to be ok with it. It’s been V interesting to see how people get
close to one another without emotional intimacy. I still don’t really understand how people
could feel close to each other without it.
#lifelessons I think the skills
I’m learning will be quite valuable in a marital relationship. Obviously now (with my companions) I have
literally no choice but to make it work.
And it’s a good skill to learn how to work through difficulties in a
setting like this, you know?
#morelifeskillz
Reflections: So this week
I’ve been thinking A LOT about sacrifice, and my inability to desire to do anything
that is uncomfortable. I’ll do
uncomfortable things, sure, but I don’t like it. And I’ve begun to see very quickly on the
mish that I need to take care of this weakness ASAP. Because otherwise it’ll make me miserable ALL
THE TIME. Because guess what? I’m uncomfortable practically every minute of
every day. And even when things are
fine, I think about how they could be better. And that’s not chill. Because I’m not going to have a good time if
I keep thinking of the things I wish I had.
I KNOW I’m supposed to be here, and I choose this mission every minute
of every day. So I legit need to LET GO of what I don’t have here. If I had a penny for every time I thought
about taking a nap, eating chocolate, eating fast food, listening to music,
using the phone, etc, I’d be SO DANG FILTHY RICH. I’m realizing I’m relatively selfish and I
don’t want to sacrifice. I’m willing to
sacrifice (obviously, I’m here) but I don’t really want to have to sacrifice
and it’s really hit me how much I need
to change that. Since I’m choosing to be
here, I need to learn how to be happier in my sacrifice. I’ve been reflecting on Lot’s wife (Luke 17:
32-33) and how she didn’t have enough faith to believe that anything that lay
ahead was better than what she had left behind.
There was a BYU devo by Holland (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obNlH5VZ_qg) and he just talked about how we need to
have more faith than that. We watched 17
Miracles this past Sunday, and I was reminded once again of how much the
pioneers sacrificed and how truly faithful they were. Such an inspiration, you know? The restoration is such an example of how
powerful and fulfilling sacrifice can be.
Sacrifice truly brings forth the blessings of heaven. Anyway, it’s a lifelong goal to develop more
humility, but there’s no day like the present, amirite? I’m also learning how
to sacrifice English---which is HARD. Every lesson I teach I think about
how much better I could have done in English.
And then I spiral into how much better I can express myself in English,
and then I fantasize about state-side missions, and all of this is BAD. Because I’m NOT on an English-speaking
mission, and even though I could defs teach better in English, it’s just NOT
what God has called me to do. And it
sucks and I feel frustrated and I miss English, but I’m learning to get over
it. As in I’m not over it yet, but I
pray constantly that one day I will be over it.
It’s a process, ya know? I kind
of imagined from the Gordon B. Hinckley story that “forgetting myself” would be
a single decision. But really, it’s an
entire mental shift that takes TIME.
It’s not easy to forget yourself!
It’s a weird mental thing to even TRY to forget yourself. But like I said, one day I’ll get there. #eternal perspective
Brazilians: OK so I know
I’ve mentioned this before, but it remains true that the Brazilians here are
the best! They are SO friendly, so fun,
and SO LOUD when they sing hymns it’s like nothing I’ve ever heard! But Portuguese is CRAZY! God defs didn’t send me to Brazil because HE KNOWS
I COULD NOT HANDLE Portuguese for TWO SECONDS.
Oh my gosh it sounds like Italian mixed with Russian mixed with a snake
speaking. NO LIE. I cannot even with
Portuguese. But a lot of them speak some
English and obviously they are learning Spanish, so we can communicate
relatively well with them. Good
times. And they just run around the
halls yelling “fubeca” (which is the greatest word on the planet and
essentially means something bad and/or like disobedient/an only-Sunday-type-of-Mormon
thing). It’s quite funny. It’s pretty fun to have such diverse
friendships. #blessed
Anyway, overall things have been good/average-ish. But really, things have been pretty
tranquilo. This group of Latinos was
more quiet than the last. I bonded with
Hermana Larsen’s roommates though, and they were so sweet! One of them was the one that learned English
through One Direction songs. And this
other Hermana wrote me a letter before she left talking about how after the
mission she hopes I can find a “Ken” to marry in the temple because they call
me Barbie, haha. SO precious. They are so sweet.
Ok, I love you V much! I
pray for you on the daily/more than that, and I hope you’re getting all the
blessings for me being over here. I
wouldn’t say I love you more since I’ve left (because I already love you the
maximum amount) but it’s deepened in a way.
I don’t know, it’s just been cool as I have to rely on prayer to feel
close to you. I just feel so grateful
all the time. Other families can’t
even.
Wish me luck with the coming week!
Every day I get through is a tiny miracle haha. I still can’t believe I’m on a mission/am on
a mission. Legit only the power of God
could have brought me here. Too cool,
huh?
Te amo, te amo, te amo.
Te amo, te amo, te amo.
Con amor, Hermana Ross
PS. D & C 58: 3-4
3 Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.
Also the song “Be Thou my Vision” by The Lower Lights. Gold.
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/21453747
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