Well, this week was hecka long. So long. Not even bad, but just long. Now that it´s over it feels less long, but thus is life. Time is so trippy. It´s so weird when you´re in it, but then when it´s over it´s over #deep. It´s like the mission, but also just life in general #deeper.
Ok, TBH not really even that much happened, so I´ll just discuss some of my reflections. Sorry if it gets a teeny bit existential.
Zone conference: So this was probably the most "notable" thing that happened this week. We had zone conference here, and it consisted of the four missionaries in Horqueta, the APs, the HTLs, and Presidente. Aka like nobody. Crazy. Not even our zone leaders came, because we´re just super far away from everything. But anyway, it was interviews with the President this time. So it gets to be my turn for interviews and he´s like "How do you like Horqueta?" And I´m like, "I like it, it´s chill. Really." And then he said, "Ok, good. *Pause*... Hermana, Are you liking your mission?" Me, "Yeah. *Pause* Yeah... *burst into tears*" Lololol que verguenza. But yeah, I don´t even know what happened but I apparently just had a lot of pent up emotions. And you know how I am about authority figures in general. I´ll account in more details in a different email/after the mission or something haha. But yeah, it was fine. And I wasn´t even sad, I just had a lot of emotions. Anyway, then after that we just did practices with the APs and the HTLs, they gave us "constructive feedback" and then that was all. I gotta work on liking that kinda thing more.
Reflections on humility: Ok, so this week I´ve been thinking A TON about humility. Oh gosh, I just felt so HUMBLED this week. And really just in general. I always liked Ether 12:27 before the mish, but I didn´t really understand it like I do now. "If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness." ISN´T THAT THE TRUTH. The more my life is centered around God, the more I know how many weaknesses I have. SO MANY. SO SO SO MANY. Like, stuff I never really even thought about before I am now aware are some of my weaknesses. And then, of course, the scripture continues, "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble." Entonces, "I, [God] give YOU [Holly], weaknesses, that YOU [Holly] may be humble." Wow. Wowowowow. Because seriously I don´t want to have weaknesses. Who does, amirite? But God is saying here that HE gives us our weaknesses.
But why? WHY? Good thing He answers that question in this verse, yeah? "My grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." So anyway, I´m still working on the "turning weaknesses into strengths" part, but I´ve for sure come to the place where I´m at least extremely humbled. Like, very much so. I´m still suffering from a broken heart, which is the worst. Who woulda thought my first broken heart would be on the mission, and ironically, as a result of my own weaknesses? It´s actually really funny to me if I think about it. I don´t know, I guess I just thought when I had "6 months" on the mission, I would be totally acclimated, not miss anything about home (at least not dumb stuff like iPhones and music), LOVE "the work", etc. And also, I thought I´d be fluent in the language . But none of those things are true for me (in my personal experience), and it´s really humbled me.
The good news is that I´m not going to give up. I really do have a freaking ton of faith that God will help me. Like, I know this. There´s SO MUCH I don´t know, but I do know that God will help me. I know He loves me. I really, really know this. And that´s so amazing. Because I didn´t know that before the mission. I believed that, but I didn´t know it. But I know that God has given me my weaknesses. And it doesn´t matter if I´m not a great teacher, or if it´s hard for me to feel instant charity, or if the right now the mission is still "a sacrifice" for me. I know Jesus Christ atoned for my sins, I know my weaknesses are from God, and I have faith that I will continue to progress. I´m not alone in this. Yes, I´m a little heartbroken, but God has a plan for me. That´s something else I know. I´ve never doubted that.
Anyway, it´s really hard to put into words all of my thoughts, let alone my emotions, so I hope it comes across (and not just as angst). I never know how "open" to be, because I want to be positive (and I really am a lot of the time), but I also want to be honest. I´m all about that open communication life, so I gotta do me, ya know? The other good news is my companion has been really inspired for me at this point in my mission. As long as I exercise patience, she´s great. And like I said, super charitable. That´s for sure like her greatest strength. She really cares about other people. And she cares about me, which is so nice. After my *teeny* breakdown of sorts, she listened to me talk about my feelings for like 40 minutes. And let me tell you, I was super open. Like stuff I didn´t even want to admit to myself are my weaknesses we talked about. It was really inspired. And she just listened and told me I´m great and that God loves me. It was really nice. Cause we all know the mission can be a lonely place.
Other stuff: Well, that´s the gist of my week. We´re going to have a baptism this Saturday of a little boy named Junior. He lives with his Grandma and cousin who are both members, so he´s been attending church for a long time. It´ll be a good time. He´s presh. The rama here is honestly really good. It´s super small (asistencia was 33 on Sunday (including the missionaries and children)), but I like it. And the senior couple the Cranney´s continue to be great. It´s brought me more emotional support than I would have thought to have a "grandparent" type of support going on. OH, also President emergency closed the area of our district leader because of a *few* dangerous things that have happened. Don´t worry... But anyway, so now Elder Muños is our district leader. But now it kinda sucks because we´re the area closest to the Paraguayan mafia headquarters. Yeah, that´s a real thing. But President gave us permission to do some of our studies in the night, so we won´t be out as late. It´s a teeennnyyy bit sketchy, not gonna lie, but I feel like it´ll be fine. Nothing too much more than the usual catcalling from the streets every .2 seconds. New York aint got nothing on Paraguay.
Ok, well I love you all a lot. Really, a lot. I´m so blessed to have such a bomb eternal family. For realz.