Hermana Ross in Paraguay: Week 48

Familyyy!!

Hey-o. Welp, today is the first week of a new change! My 9th, actually (out of 13, but who's counting?) Anyway, I feel like I never heard missionaries or even RMs talk about changes that much, but TBH I'm like "uhhhh, they're kinda a hecka big deal." Everything and it's mother in your mission life depends on what area you're in and who your companion is. But bad news bears is that we won't actually find out what's going down until tomorrow in our zone meeting. Although rumor has it I'll be leaving Horqueta. Like it's always anybody's game, but I do have six months here and also I just feel like it's time. But it's gonna be sooooo weird to leave after all this time. I've been here for half of my mission and have passed through a million and a half experiences. So much many things.

I feel like I've learned so much here. Yesterday at church the Presidente de Rama was like "Hermana, since you're going to leave Horqueta, why don't you give a talk today?" Lolz. But anyway, I was reflecting on everything I've passed through here and realized how much I've truly grown from all the stuff that's gone down. Horqueta for me has REALLY been the refiner's fire. So hard so hard. There were some golden moments in there for sure, but the experience as a whole was very trying. From my companions to the branch here to the RATCHET weather to my personal weaknesses to the fact that I am out in the middle of the lit-rall Paraguayan jungle, I have honestly passed through more trials in the past few months alone than in my whole prior life combined. And through all this, I have finally learned how to internalize the atonement, have grown to better feel God's love for me personally, and have better recognized the methods God uses to speak to me. I have also learned better how to love unconditionally, how to exercise patience more graciously, and how to internalize my faith to the very very core. I have practiced sacrificing my will to align it with the Lord's, learned how to better compromise in my interpersonal relationships, and have become more accustomed to doing things that push me out of my comfort zone. I really can't even begin to explain all of these things with words, and it will probably take a lifetime to truly understand and internalize everything that I've experienced here. But I'm grateful for the trials that I've passed through here and am grateful to the Lord for loving me enough to cut me down. "For whom the Lord loveth, He chasteneth" (Hebrews 12:6).

I've actually been thinking a lot about that this past change, but especially in the past few weeks. My comp has still been dealing with a decent amount of residual struggles from her nervous breakdown, and the past few weeks have been focused a lot on her emotional recovery. It's been a weird kind of difficult to have to take a break from the rigors of missionary work to focus on re-working cognitive distortions.

Something I’ve really been caught up on is the notion “doing your best.” Because I know all that God asks of us is to do our best, but what happens when we can’t even do our best? Something I’ve really come to internalize with Hermana Lundberg these past few changes is that not only does God love us unconditionally, but He also forgives us for not being able to do our best. [Once again, see Adaptacion a la Vida Misional: Realize that everything you do can´t be above average. You still want to work hard to improve, but no matter how good you become at something, you will perform below your personal average some of the time. This is not a cause for alarm.] I know that not only does the Lord make up the difference, but He already atoned for my sins and it is only through HIS grace that I can work through my weaknesses.

Alrighttt, well time is pretty short on account of there was no internet at the church, so the Cranneys were kind enough to lend us their computers for a few minutes (side note: this computer is from the states and I cannot even with this keyboard. I forget where all the symbols and punctuation are :0). But hopefully all will go well with finding out changes tomorrow (lol @ the #plottwist of if I didn’t even leave Horqueta. Although like I said, I’m pretty sure I am.) Other side note is that it’s going to be WEIRD AS HECK to have a companion that’s not Hermana Lundberg. I have literally grown 2 attached to my mission bae and it’s going to be way hard to be separated #truelove. Our companionship was so inspired and we have learned so dang much together. She has made me a better person and I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for giving me such a great friend. Even if I did have to come to Paraguay to find her, despite the fact that she is from Lindon, Utah lolz.

Ok, love you SO much!

Hartz,

Hermana Ross